October 20, 2008 rikkijean

I find my self laying in bed, scribbling down the lines to my life as a novel. It’s nothing to catchy, or even anything interesting. It just causes me to wish that I had kept a journal to write all of my thoughts, tribulations, and trivial nonsense down into while growing up. I think it would of been a best friend that was really good at keeping secrets.

I never kept a journal, I hardly consider this one now.

I often find myself reflecting on my life, the good, the bad, past, and present. I always try to figure out, if this is a story I will remember for a week, or a new story that will last a lifetime.  Most of the time I don’t figure this out until I’m already telling the story of an event of my life.

I guess the story I have in my head today, is about when did I figure out I was gay. I guess you could say I never ever had an ‘ah hah’ moment.  My sexuality just kind of rode with me, from the time I was born. It was always just there. I never considered my self different, I never thought I was a ‘weird’ kid or even that I had cooties. I just thought I was me.

I guess this is why I have hard time understanding other peoples stories of sexuality, because mine was so cut and dry, so right there, just waiting for me to grasp it. I never hated myself, or thought I was disgusting. This is probably why my heart aches, so much for those who did.

As a lesbian I have never understood, why people decided to ‘plaster’ gay stickers to their cars, or own hundreds of rainbow items. In my personal opinion, I find that having ‘pride’ is a a wonderful thing to carry w/ you. However, how can one ask for equality, when they are creating their own singalization. Do straight people wear, straight flags, I think not! I don’t think we should ‘hide in the cupboards’, but I do think we should blend nicely into the public.

I can dream right?

And while I am on a tangent, why in the world does my local news station feel the need to make a headline out of a girl who shares a name w/ Sarah Palin. Is this really important? Uh no!



Entry Filed under: Uncategorized

One Comment Add your own

  • 1. thesongallalong  |  October 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    I think when people first start to come out they find the importance in the rainbow and gay pride memorabila. I think its their way of saying “Hey Anyone Who Will Notice I Am FINALLY Out And Proud!” also i think at first a lot of people feel that it is a way they can be recognized by the community as well as possible partners. While i as well dont really understand the need to plaster it everwhere I dont necesarily think we need to try and blend in either. I’m all for everyone just being themselves whether that be someone who sings of their gay or straight lifestyle from the rooftops or someone who keeps what happens in their bedrooms to themselves.

    Nice post! Good to hear from ya!

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